To the man who made me a mother and stayed with me

From the moment I met my husband, I knew he would be the father of my children because I always wanted children, but I never could have imagined how this journey would have turned out. It’s Father’s Day and what better day to remind all the partners in our lives how much they mean to us and how grateful we are for the gift they have given us. Yes I know we helped with the “gift” but today is her day so let’s stay in the moment.

I want to rewind a bit. I met my husband in 2007 and I knew very early on that he was “the one”, he put me at ease, he balanced my crazy personality with his calm, and we settled on just about every big topic you could think of only wish can agree with a partner. I knew that one day we would get married and we did, even though the moment seemed to last forever. I also knew that one day we would have children and we did.

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We always talked about our future before we got married because that’s what you do when you think you have a future with someone. You want to make sure that you both have the same goals and that you both want the same thing. We wanted children and we wanted lots of them.

I stopped using birth control (TMI, I know) right after we got married and we immediately wanted to start our family. It took us about 6 months to get pregnant and our first baby was a girl.

She was everything I ever wanted and he gave her to me. Although I would have been happy with either gender, I knew deep in my heart that I really wanted a girl, so I was thrilled that she was my first. We named them after some special women in our lives, our grandmothers, and we lived that blissful life as a family of three.

When she was about a year old we wanted to try another one, but I was having some fertility issues. I was diagnosed (aged 30) with PCOS and we were referred to a fertility clinic. This has been a tough and unexpected journey – conceiving our daughter so quickly gave me a little false hope that conceiving would not be difficult for me.

But as hard as it was, we had a second baby, and it was a boy. My husband stood by my side throughout the process. The many times I was blaming myself for not being able to give him a second child, he held my hand and wouldn’t let go until he made sure I understood that it wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t control my body and this was just our journey.

Thank you for our second baby which was a bit more of a challenge to have but you gave it to me anyway. 7 months later and I’m staring at another positive pregnancy test. We weren’t too cautious about birth control because our experience at the fertility clinic led us to believe that it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. We had two boys under the age of two and there were challenges, but I would never change anything.

You stood by me through it all, and that’s what a father’s supposed to do, and that’s what a husband’s supposed to do. Thank you for giving me my kids, even on the hardest of days when they make me pack a bag and run away for a week, thank you. I am not aware of the fact that I have mental health problems. I was scared when we met, but the kids gave me bedtime anxiety, and that brought out a whole new monster.

In my toughest moments, I was probably the “meanest” to you. I’m sure I said horrible things and I cried on the floor and I think I even smashed a door. However, I want you to understand one thing. Just like our kids throw tantrums for us for being their safe space, so you are for me.

You are my safe space, and in my darkest moments, I know I can let it all down in front of you. I can be vulnerable because I know you will protect me. Not only did you give me our wonderful children, you gave me comfort, security and security.

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